Lou Hughesele

NoodiMag Volume 7

Welcome to NoodiMag, the container for all my noodling on noodles, pastas, and all related topics.

Pasta Shapes Consumed: Fettucini; Elbow Macaroni; Miniature Shells; Pad Thai Noodles

Total Pasta Shapes To Date: 18

The Appetizer:

It’s Passover. No wheat noodles have passed through mine lips for many days. Is it chametz to write about them? Oh, I don’t know. I’ll write this issue within 18 minutes so we know it didn’t accidentally mix with the ambient yeast in the air and become leavened, okay? 

The Entree:

This issue’s issue is a continuation of last issue’s issue. We received the following response to last issue from a loyal reader and friend, ETSRJIII: 

A servant of semolina and of The Sauce,

To the five a-pasta-les in the dispersion:
Greetings.

My friends, blessed be the Noodles that adorn our plate and The Sauce therein. 

I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you in the grace of Noodles and are turning to a different gospel– not that there is another gospel, but there are some who are confusing you and want to pervert the gospel of The Sauce. But even if we or an angel from heaven should proclaim to you a gospel contrary to what was once proclaimed to you, let that one be accursed!

My friends, do not claim the faith while showing such doubt. That any friend should be condemned to hell for over-saucing shows how some have twisted the faith to their own destruction. The pasta in the bowl is like the flower in the field. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the field; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes, unless the pasta is engulfed in sufficient sauce to withstand the heat of the sun. Otherwise it is dry. It is only those who faithfully submerge themselves in The Sauce who have enough water to bloom instead of perish. 

If there were not more sauce than pasta, what then is left for the bread? 

You therefore, beloved, since you are forewarned, beware that you are not carried away with the error of lawlessness and lose your own stability. But grow in the grace and knowledge of what is true about The Sauce. 

I appeal to you, friends, bear with you my word of exhortation, for I have written to you briefly. Those from France send you greetings. Grace be with all of you.

Blessed, indeed, be the Noodles that adorn our plate and The Sauce therein. 

The grace of The Sauce is verily the cause of our duty to honor it. I fear our friend has allowed passion to overcome reason, and thus cannot see that we a-pasta-les have shown the true gospel, for we do not then advocate for under-saucing, but instead an honorable dousing appropriate for the carbohydrates at hand. Alas, we must show compassion for our friend, for he comes to us with an indignation that arises from dread of the winds that will blow him about for eternity lest he change his over-saucing ways. We have presently seen friends moved towards grace from our sharing of the Good Word, and I do hope that our dear ETSRJIII joins us among the righteous saucers. 

The Dessert:

My 18 minutes is nearly up. Please enjoy this relevant piece from Wikipedia:

Thanks for reading! Maybe next time will have less religion humor.