Lou Hughesele

NoodiMag Volume 3

Welcome to NoodiMag, the container for all my noodling on noodles, pastas, and all related topics.

Pasta Shapes Consumed: Casarecce; Miniature Shells; (Elbow Macaroni); Rice Elbow Macaroni; Mezzanini Rigati; Gemelli; Rotini; (Pad Thai Rice Noodles)

Total Pasta Shapes To Date: 8 (10)

The Appetizer:

The schema for what we mean by “eat as many pastas as I can” continues to be built as we go. I have had a few discussions now with my companion in this goal about what can count towards our final numbers. Did we mean shapes? Did we mean types? Did we mean strictly unleavened dough made of wheat flour mixed with water or eggs? Or do we mean the more expansive definition that includes gluten-free options made of rice and legumes? Do we mean Italian noodles or do all the noodles of the world count? Do zoodles count at all? Where does gnocchi fit? Much to consider! As someone with a degree in Classification and Categories, I am absolutely considering it daily. 

At issue in this issue is whether the rice noodles in my pad Thai count towards the goal, and if so, how. Do they count for the linguine shape? Or does the fact of their holding sauce differently and having a different texture and a different origin make them a separate entry from the true linguine I will undoubtedly have later in the year? 

Across the last issue and this one, I count three different macaronis: one made with rice, two made with wheat, all distinct sizes and shapes. This is another issue, because there are many noodle shapes we might call “elbow macaroni,” and technically many things legally fall under the category “macaroni product.” It’s all very fuzzy, as all categories are, which is lucky for me and my secondary goal of writing about pastas and noodles with regularity. We will not be getting to the bottom of this! And that’s part of the fun.

The Entree:

I already have to admit that I have led my beautiful readers astray. In the last issue, I referred to Barilla as “a pasta brand that we do not fuck with.” I said that I may explain the reasons in a future issue, and as I began to search for sources for those reasons, I realized that I perhaps overstated how much we do not fuck with Barilla.

For several years now, I have refused to purchase Barilla products, even though they are often the least expensive option and offer the widest variety of shapes, because in 2013 chairman and member of the Barilla family, Guido Barilla, made some comments about what family should look like that involved homophobia and some very traditionalist ideas about women’s roles. He said that if we were offended, we could simply eat another pasta. The other major pasta brands, of course, jumped on this and posted on social media about how much they like it when the gays purchase their enriched macaroni products. Way back in 2013, we were a valuable market!

I am on record on this very blog as saying, “I love a boycott and will hold a grudge against a corporation for the rest of my life,” so I did not bother to keep up with this issue and learn that Guido very quickly apologized and promised to meet with “representatives of the groups that best represent the evolution of the family, including those who have been offended by my words.”

In 2018, Barilla sponsored the launch of Openly, a global digital news platform operated by the Reuters Foundation focused on LGBT+ issues. They announced this sponsorship in the same press release where they announced they would employ and train refugees at their plants throughout Europe, with the goal of employing upwards of 75 refugees over five years. Their Chief Diversity Officer had some really nice things to say in the release.

I also read their 2022 and 2024 Sustainability Reports. They met their goals for employing and training refugees early, and so they launched a new mentorship program specifically for refugee women. They also were ranked one of the best places to work for LGBTQ+ people in 2022. They say they do their best to source cane sugar, cocoa, and materials for technology in ethical ways. They have Animal Welfare Guidelines. They’ve got Climate Risk Assessments and related goals. They have a Disability Inclusion Roadmap and they’re getting into Design for All. They claim to work well with trade unions, to support the farming communities located close to their plants, to have some level of transparency about accidents in their workplaces, and more. 

I don’t know, man! They’re saying all the right things now! It’s all in corporate buzzwords, but I am finding it hard to be a total and complete hater at this point. 

I will still maintain my grudge, though. They are, after all, still a multinational corporation owned by an even larger corporation owned by an even larger multinational conglomerate. It does appear, though, that… they may be moderately less evil than others among their ilk. 

Below you can see their corporate ownership through a diagram inspired by a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. It’s not great! There’s a lot of construction and chemical manufacturing going on! But at least I didn’t find any defense contractors?? 

(Small correction: Pan di Stelle is also a Barilla Group brand that used to be under Mulino Bianco, but became its own brand in 2007. The diagram does not reflect this. Or the continued existence of Catelli, a Canadian pasta brand owned by Barilla Group.)

So, last time I was at the grocery store, I gave Barilla $2.00 for their limited edition snowflake-shaped pasta. I still had four pounds of pasta from Costco in the pantry, but it’s limited edition. They have a heart-shaped limited edition pasta as well, which I may get next time. I have not tried the snowflakes yet, but they will be covered in a future issue, along with the ethics of the other major pasta brands.

The Dessert:

This issue’s dessert is actually about a dessert.

I’m thinking about spaghettieis. Spaghettieis is a dessert invented by second-generation Italian-German, Dario Fontanella, in Baden-Wuerttenberg, Germany in 1969. It’s ice cream that looks like spaghetti! It’s inspired by Mont Blanc, a French dessert where a chestnut puree is put through a Spaetzle press and topped with whipped cream, so it looks like if spaghetti was a mountain, namely Mont Blanc. (Spaetzle is a pasta specific to Central Europe. We’ll talk more about it another time.) Dario decided to make something that sounded good, so he put vanilla gelato through a Spaetzle press and then put strawberry sauce and shaved white chocolate on top. It looks like spaghetti!!

Many, many years ago, before Guido even put his foot in his mouth, I had the chance to eat spaghettieis in its place of origin. Instead, I just got a classic chocolate cone. Don’t get me wrong, that was still one of the best ice cream cones I’ve ever had, but I now understand 17 year old me was making bad choices in ways I couldn’t have fathomed at the time. It doesn’t appear that any ice cream or gelato shops near me offer this treat. How long do I fixate on it before I have to get a Spaetzle press and make it myself?

Thanks for reading! Maybe next time will be better.

Works Cited:

Barilla. (2018, September 27). Barilla commits to refugee training and sponsors new LGBT+ news platform as part of ongoing diversity and inclusion journey.

Barilla. (2022). The Joy of Food for a Better Life: Sustainability Report 2022.

Barilla. (2024). The Joy of Food for a Better Life: Sustainability Report 2024.

Edelbaum, S. (2023, August 12). Spaghettieis: a trick ice cream sundae. BBC.

McCoy, K. (2013, September 30). Barilla exec apologizes for remarks on gays. USA Today.